Why You Are Not Weak for Having Fear of the Dentist (And How We Can Fix It)

Let’s start with a simple truth: being afraid of the dentist doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. As someone who works in the dental and medical field, I’ve seen this fear up close—from friends, family, patients, and even from healthcare workers themselves. And if you’ve ever felt anxious walking into a dental clinic, unsure of what’s going to happen, or overwhelmed just by the sound of the drill, let me tell you, you’re not alone.

Fear of the dentist is one of the most common anxieties people carry, often rooted in past experiences, fear of pain, or simply the feeling of being out of control. And yet, we rarely talk about it openly.

Every generation has its own challenges and crossroads, and those challenges in the ’80s are not really the same as those in the world of the internet era, pandemic, invasion, and inflation after the pandemic (not even to mention mental health and those considered ‘small unnecessary details’ that affect our everyday life). It’s not a competition of who had it harder – it’s about understanding that fear, including fear of dentists, evolves with time, and so must our compassion.

Fear of the Dentist: A Universal but Silent Struggle

Fear of dentists is far more common than we like to admit, and it’s equally spread among individuals around the world. For some, it’s mild anxiety. For others, it’s a deep-rooted phobia that prevents them from seeking care altogether. In fact, some people even ask if it is okay to feel that way, they start to question their perception of reality because they believe something is wrong with them. However, nothing is wrong with your and it is completely normal to feel this way because humans simply don’t like to lose control over situation.

This fear often comes from a combination of factors: a past traumatic experience, lack of control, fear of pain, or even just the sterile environment. What makes it worse is the shame people often feel about their fear, especially adults who think they “shouldn’t” be scared anymore.

Let’s get one thing straight: you are not weak for being afraid.

Dental Fear Is More Common Than You Think

We often assume that fear is something only children experience, but the reality is far more widespread, and quietly endured to be honest. Adults from all walks of life, including professionals and healthcare workers, carry this anxiety with them, often in silence. I’ve had patients in their 60s whisper their fear to me like it’s a secret, as if being afraid of certain dental procedure is something to be ashamed of.

But it’s not rare. It’s not irrational. And it’s definitely not a sign of weakness.

The fear of dentists can show up in many forms, canceling appointments last minute, avoiding even routine check-ups, or tensing up the moment they hear the drill. For some, it’s the sterile smell of the clinic. For others, it’s the memory of a painful experience or a sense of losing control once they’re in the chair. These are real, valid triggers that shouldn’t be dismissed.

One thing I’ve learned is that the fear of the dentist is rarely just about pain. It’s often about vulnerability. When you’re lying back, mouth open, unable to speak, you’re in an incredibly exposed position—and that alone can be overwhelming for someone already afraid of the dentist.

Why You Are Not Weak for Being Afraid of the Dentist

Let’s clear something up right now: being afraid does not make you weak. I’ve met some of the bravest people like cops, doctors, single parents – who quietly carry anxiety about going to the dentist. And they often feel embarrassed by it, like fear is a flaw they should’ve outgrown. But fear isn’t a character defect; it’s a human response to uncertainty, vulnerability, or past pain.

What truly matters is not whether you feel fear, but how you move through it.

Strength isn’t about being fearless. It’s about acknowledging your fear and still showing up. Even reading this article, trying to understand your anxiety, well that’s an act of courage. And if you’ve avoided appointments for years and are thinking about trying again, that’s brave too. Don’t let anyone, especially your inner critic, to convince you otherwise. There is no weakness in being human.

How to Get Over Fear of Being Scared to Go to Dentist: It Starts With Acknowledgment

Before we can move forward, we need to acknowledge the fear, openly, honestly, and without judgment.

As healthcare professionals, we rarely talk enough about the emotional side of treatment. We’re trained to diagnose, to treat, to fix, but not always to listen, reassure, or connect. That’s something I’ve learned not from textbooks, but from my patients, and, truthfully, from being a patient myself.

During the early months of the pandemic, everything in healthcare changed. Stress intensified, systems broke down, and the mental health of both patients and professionals was pushed to its limits. I saw firsthand how fear, including dental anxiety, became more prominent than ever. Even those who had once been relatively calm about dental appointments started asking, “How do you deal with anxiety at the dentist?”

The real answer? You don’t deal with it alone.

How to Stay Calm in the Dentist’s Chair: Real Techniques That Help

Fear thrives in silence. But once we talk about it, we can begin to address it. Here are a few steps that can genuinely help if you’re trying to figure out how to stop being anxious about the dentist or how to get over the fear:

• Speak up before your appointment. A good dental team will respect your concerns if they know them in advance. Always say how you are feeling and why you are scared to go to dentist. Admit bad experience from the past, your expectations and everything else you want to change.
• Practice breathing techniques. Deep, slow breathing really can calm your nervous system.
• Use distractions. Some patients prefer listening to music or guided meditations during treatment. Also, you can bring your headphones if you want. Many dental offices can offer headphones to create better atmosphere, or bring those you already have.
• Ask for breaks. You’re allowed to raise your hand and pause if it gets overwhelming. This is something I often use with my patients. Even if I see that a person clearly doesn’t have fear of the dentist, me or my colleage, I make a deal. I suggest that once I see left arm risen, I am stoping immediately. This is huge thing, and it gives you control over situation.
• Bring a friend. Just having someone in the waiting room can be grounding. You can ask to bring your friend into the office if it’s possible to make good joke that can help you to break the ice.

These simple actions have helped many of patients to reduce anxiety and stay present, even during complex procedures.

Dental Practitioners Must Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

One major reason fear of the dentist persists is the lack of training dental professionals receive in emotional intelligence. During my studies, we were taught anatomy, histology, pharmacology, but there was little to no emphasis on the doctor-patient relationship, on empathy, or on emotional resilience.

We were expected to accumulate information. But no one asked us “How will you make your patient feel safe?” or “What if your patient starts crying?”

That gap is something I believe we must fix, not just for patients, but for the sake of our profession. I often think back to my early years in practice, wondering if I appeared confident and calm to my patients or if I added to their anxiety. And, we have to admit that it is also up to us to show empathy, understanding and compassion for all individuals who persist to be have fear of the dentist and who are afraid to go to dentist, no matter if it is child, adult, male or female.

One of the steps in the right direction can be to integrate emotional intelligence into dental school curriculums, not only as a side note, but as a foundational skill. Whether you’re the one sitting in the dental chair or the one using it every day, you can start deepening your understanding today by exploring the work of Daniel Goleman, who has written powerful books on emotional and social intelligence.

Healing Is a Shared Responsibility

If you’re someone who avoids the dentist due to fear, let this post be a small step toward healing. And if you’re a dentist, hygienist, or receptionist reading this, advice is to see beyond the charts and checklists.

We can’t fix fear of the dentist overnight, but we can start with compassion. We can talk about it openly, normalize the anxiety, and share tips with patients—not in a generic way, but through genuine conversations. Because behind every person who’s afraid of the dentist is usually a story that was never fully heard.

Your emotional intelligence might not be listed on your degree, but it’s just as essential as your clinical skills. Many people don’t know how to not be anxious before or during the procedure, and out of fear they won’t know to ask the right questions. That’s where practitioners must stand up and show some generosity in communication.

Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Change the Conversation

Being afraid of the dentist is not something to be ashamed of. It’s something to be understood and supported. Whether your fear stems from a childhood trauma, a painful memory, or simply the unknown—your feelings are valid.

We fix it by being open, by listening more than we talk, and by remembering that behind every patient file is a real human being, just like us.

And if you’re reading this because you’ve been afraid to book that appointment—know that you’re not alone. We see you. We understand. And we’re here to help. Sometimes, just reading about how to stop being afraid of the dentist can be the beginning of a shift, and that shift matters.

References:

• Silveira ER, Cademartori MG, Schuch HS, Armfield JA, Demarco FF. Estimated prevalence of dental fear in adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis. J Dent. 2021 May;108:103632. doi: 10.1016/j.jdent.2021.103632. Epub 2021 Mar 9. PMID: 33711405.
• Goleman D, Boyatzis R. Social intelligence and the biology of leadership. Harv Bus Rev. 2008 Sep;86(9):74-81, 136. PMID: 18777666.